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Swede

Exaggerations and Other Lies

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I bought a pair of binoculars on ebay that are so powerful that I can focus on the horizon and see the back of my head.  :yes:

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One time I caught a cat fish so big the picture alone weighed five pounds.  :thumbup:

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We were in Canada fishing for Northern Pike back in a bay when we saw a small pine squirrel hoping down a log laying in the water. He got to the end where a pine cone was laying there and sat down and started eating it. All of a sudden a huge Northern jumped out of the water and grabbed him and he was gone.

 

We all saw it and were wishing we had a picture of it when we saw some motion at the end of the log. That big Northern Pike came up and put another pine cone on it.  :o

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Razor and I were out fishing one time in his canoe.  We both had to pee, so we stood up on opposite ends of the boat and started taking care of buisness.

 

He said over his shoulder to me "Darn, this water is cold!"

 

I quickly replied to him "Yup, and deep too."

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The first big buck I got I was just a teenager and I asked these old boys who owned a big timber if I could go deer hunting. They said go ahead but do you know how to hunt a big buck? I said no but Im going to try.

 

The old boys looked at each other and said "well you can shoot one but the easiest way is to sneak up on one and stick your finger up his ass, crook your finger over and hold on and soon he will die of fright."

 

That sounded pretty easy so out I went to give it a try. I was standing by a big tree when a big buck walked by so I slipped around back of the tree till he past and I ran out and stuck my finger in his ass. Then it was five miles over brush, logs, fences and streams and two black eyes, scratches, bruises, cuts and bleeding before I could gain on him to get enough to crook my finger over. I still got his rack hanging on the wall.  :smoke:

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A few years back I went into Fredrics woman's underwear store and picked out three negligees and told the sales lady to wrap them for me. One for my wife, one for my sister-in-law and one for my girl friend.

 

She looked at me and said "men like you should be hung."

 

I said " I cant help it I was born that way".  :smoke: 

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Once a long time ago I was sitting around the campfire with a couple of buddies.  After a while the conversation turned to who was the toughest of the three of us.

 

One of my friends started telling about a fight he'd been in, "Yeah, well, there was that time I had to whip six other men in a bar fight.  They tried hitting me with chairs, pool cues, and beer bottles...but I whipped them all!!"

 

My other buddy began boasting about how he'd had to wrestle a long-horn bull down when it had gotten loose.  "That bull must have been 1500 pounds of hate with a 6 foot spread to his horns!  But I grabbed aholt of 'im and bulldogged him down!"

 

I just sat there not saying much, just stirring the campfire with my dick....

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