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Bill was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

 

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.

 

One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

 

"I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "but in just a few short years, my father will die and I will inherit $200 million." 

 

Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

 

Women are so much better at financial planning than men. 

 

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A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

 

"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor, putting a worm first into the water.

 

The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

 

"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.

 

Johnny, who naturally sat in back, raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."

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Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table in a cafeteria at a mental hospital.

 

 

At breakfast, the husband says to the wife, "What would you do if I won the Lotto?"

 

"I'd take my half and leave you," she says.

 

"Great," he says. "Here's $6. I won $12 yesterday! Stay in touch."

 

 

 

I don't like making plans for the day because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

 

"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor, putting a worm first into the water.

 

The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

 

"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.

 

Johnny, who naturally sat in back, raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."

 

happy097.gif

 

 

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A blond policewoman stopped a blond driver in her car. The blond policewoman asked for the blond driver for her driver's license. The blond driver asked, what does it look like ? The blond policewoman says, it's square with your picture on it. The driver seen a square mirror and looked at it and seen herself and handed it to the police woman. Oh, says the blond policewoman looking at the mirror, I didn't know you were a policewoman. 

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