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Guest taken by the wind...

~ okay... I hereby name you an official  H.O.S.S.  (Helper of Super Squirrel.)  :thumbsup:

 

 

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Dear Survivor Guy:

 

I REALLY need this new rifle , but the..w-i-f-e...won't loosen the purse strings enough for me to get it.  How do I convince her to let me spend the money?  Should I have her whacked?  What do I do?

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Guest taken by the wind...

Dear Survivor Guy:

 

I REALLY need this new rifle , but the..w-i-f-e...won't loosen the purse strings enough for me to get it.  How do I convince her to let me spend the money?  Should I have her whacked?  What do I do?

 

~ For crying out loud K-Bob.....   your posts keep getting me in trouble AND Deleted (by the Master Deleter.)  :P :naughty: :whistle:  I wished you had read my advice to you about your "last" problem.....  :whistle:

 

now... YES.... have her Whacked. That'll solve BOTH your problems.  :P

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Dear Survivor Guy:

 

I REALLY need this new rifle , but the..w-i-f-e...won't loosen the purse strings enough for me to get it.  How do I convince her to let me spend the money?  Should I have her whacked?  What do I do?

 

Well theres NOTHING more important than a new rifle. When I get a new one I clean it and polish it and fondle it and eventually sleep with it. :love:

 

If you have her "wacked" you liable to end up having "bubba"  making you do that to him. :o :'(

 

Tell her you think theres someone sneaking around at night window peeking (watch out for the dog if they let it out) :help: but thats another story :blushing: and you should have this particular rifle handy.

 

Tell her she can have whats left of your tax returns after you buy the rifle. Tell her you wont make her do her "wifely duities" for one month.

 

Tell her that her boyfriend is threatening you and if she says "OH OK" than revert back to plan "A"  :yes:

 

Thats my opinion and Im sticking to it. :hugegrin:

 

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Guest taken by the wind...

~ Dear Survivor Guy,

 

my best friend (Let's just call her Lolly) has this crazy thing for guys with large multitools. Anyway, no matter what we do, or where we go, the first thing she makes them do, is pull out their mulittool to see what brand it is, and what kind of things he can do with it... it gets really embarassing. How can I tell her in a nice way, not to do that?

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~ Dear Survivor Guy,

 

my best friend (Let's just call her Lolly) has this crazy thing for guys with large multitools. Anyway, no matter what we do, or where we go, the first thing she makes them do, is pull out their mulittool to see what brand it is, and what kind of things he can do with it... it gets really embarassing. How can I tell her in a nice way, not to do that?

Well you know all men are not created equal and you might as well include women in that mix. Some women sort of REQUIRE a large multitool if you know what I mean. :o "Girl you really do require a large multitool" "Girl you really do require a large multitool"

 

Lolly> "Well you didnt have to say it twice" :mad:

 

"I didnt" :blushing:

 

Quality in a multitool is more important for sure and checking the brand seems to be very important to Lolly. Possibly she has had some problems with small poor quality multitools in the past. :unsure:

 

Of course there are those who leave their multitools out in the open in their belt pouches "trolling" as it might seem to Lolly. :yes:

 

I think its best if you just try to over look Lollys behavior as she seems to be suffering from "MID LIFE CRISIS" right now.  :(

 

Thats what I think. :smoke:

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Dear Survivor Guy:

 

I REALLY need this new rifle , but the..w-i-f-e...won't loosen the purse strings enough for me to get it.  How do I convince her to let me spend the money?  Should I have her whacked?  What do I do?

 

~ For crying out loud K-Bob.....   your posts keep getting me in trouble AND Deleted (by the Master Deleter.)  :P :naughty: :whistle:  I wished you had read my advice to you about your "last" problem.....  :whistle:

 

now... YES.... have her Whacked. That'll solve BOTH your problems.  :P

 

I wish I had seen it!  But by the time I returned to the forum BOTH our posts were gone!  I would like to have known Swede's answer to the problem, 'cause every time I kiss her goodbye in the morning, she beards me!  Maybe I should have specified that I WAS referring to FACIAL hair?

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Guest taken by the wind...

Facial hair? OH  :blushing:

 

~ boy Swede... were we WAY off on that one or what?  :whistle:

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Dear Survivor Guy:

 

    I have this problem...my mother-in-law  :scared:  is trying to talk the wife into the two of us going with them to DollyWood on our vacation.  I've been to DollyWood.  I've seen everything there and have absolutely NO desire to go back.  The in-laws (and wife) seem to think of DollyWood as a magical land of wonders and could happily go there 20 times a year (they buy season passes). 

 

Should I have them whacked?  Should I whack them myself?  Should I have MYSELF whacked?!  How can I fake a summer-long illness?  :puke:  Please, HELP ME!! 

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Dear Survivor Guy:

 

    I have this problem...my mother-in-law  :scared:  is trying to talk the wife into the two of us going with them to DollyWood on our vacation.  I've been to DollyWood.  I've seen everything there and have absolutely NO desire to go back.  The in-laws (and wife) seem to think of DollyWood as a magical land of wonders and could happily go there 20 times a year (they buy season passes). 

 

Should I have them whacked?  Should I whack them myself?  Should I have MYSELF whacked?!  How can I fake a summer-long illness?  :puke:  Please, HELP ME!! 

Well Bob I used to whack myself all the time. In fact if you were to whack yourself in front of your mother-in-law that would probably get you a pass from the trip. :yes:

 

Maybe tell your wife how your mother-in-law is looking pretty good lately ( I know that might be hard to do with a straight face especially if she looks anything like my mother-in-law) :unsure: Maybe pat her butt as she walks by. However that could back fire. :o

 

Farting in front of your wife and mother-in-law is good also. Make sure and say ahhhhh when you do it.Than laugh like crazy and slap her butt. ;)

 

If this doesnt work YOUR OFF TO DOLLY WOOD!  :wave:

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Well, SurvivorGuy, I appreciate the advice.  However, considering my adversion to the very THOUGHT of slapping the mother-in-law's backside (or coming in contact with it in any way), I reckon I'm off to Dolly Wood on Wednesday, May 23rd.  :'(        (the farting wouldn't work, considering the fact that she could easily best me in any type of gastric contest).

 

I simply ask that all here observe a moment of silence for me around noon on that day.  If I'm REALLY lucky, maybe the Rapture will come first.  :dead:

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K Bob I cant think of any reason why ANYONE would actually want to go to Dollywood. As far as a farting contest with your mother-in-law or even thinking of touching her backside or accomping her to Dollywood believe me I feel your pain. Its like going to the dentist Im sure. :'(

 

Try to keep that smile frozen to your face and I know the super strength it will require to keep from making any comments. You might try some of that giggle-gas HazeyWolf uses it works for him. :yes:

 

Good luck out there in Dollywood my friend. Ill be praying for ya. :hugegrin:

 

SURVIVOR GUY

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Guest taken by the wind...

~ K-Bob, I Know you're back from your trip, I only wish I could've helped you out on this one. :console:

 

There's no way to avoid the Dollywood thing this year. However, you could've warded off Next year's trip for sure. :whistle:

 

What you "should've" done was to go in all bored and stuff... then, when they least expect it, get totally intrigued by the art and the Native American Culture on display there. :bounce: :clap: Demand that they stop at EVERY little artsy shop so you can browse for HOURS on end... (I know it's hard, but you're saving hours of vac. time in the future) Then... find one horrific painting of some Indian and his horse (or something similar to that) If it's on velvet... that's even better. If not, just make sure it's BIG. I don't care if you have to pay two hundred bucks for it... (believe me, it will pay for itself in two seasons) :thumbup:

 

Act like this is THE best place you've ever gone in your life! Tell your wife that you believe that you are actually an old chief Reincarnated... you SAW that in the many forms of art on display... you are definately going to study this new aspect of yourself as soon as you get home..... :whistle:

 

Insist that all of you have one of those old Western type Photos done (with the whole family) and pay for it.....(ask the photographers if you can be an Indian chief) Then Make sure your inlaws hang that photo in their home somewhere in a visible spot.... :rofl: :rofl: Pretend to attempt to be interested in buying huge expensive works of Art (there will be many on display) your wife will probably object (especially if they do NOT fit into your decor... use your judgement.) Act all disappointed.... when she says no. If she wants to go to the outlet malls there, act all distraught every time she buys somethng... because for THAT amount YOU could've bought that authentic Chief Headset that you wanted so bad...  do this with EVERYTHING she purchases...  She will at first be attracted to your newfound interest in this stuff, then she will become extrememly uncomfortable over the fact that something holds your interest THAT Much............ she will resent it. You'll never have to go there again. (the inlaws will not object.) When you get home... ask your wife to dress up like an Indian princess.... (the deal will be done.) You'll NEVER have to go back. :thumbup:

 

:smoke:

 

 

 

 

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:hugegrin:  Great idea, Taken!!  The next time I get dragged to DollyWood (kickin' and screamin'  :scared:  ), I'll have to try it!  I told the wife that this was my last time this DECADE!  :mad:

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Dear SurvivorGuy:

 

My wife is ropin' me into spending the Fourth of July holiday with my in-laws.  Do you think that she'll believe that I have to work?  PLEASE HELP ME!!!  :scared:

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Guest taken by the wind...

~ Ok... I tried to let Survivor Guy answer this one...  I gave him five days........     :glare:  I'll speak to his boss.  :P

 

Even thought it's too late now, K-Bob, I'll tip you off for next year. You have GOT to learn to go completely overboard wtih excitement whenEVER your wife "ropes" you into an activity. For one... she's "roping" you because she thinks you don't wanna go. It's all about power. It's a power play move. She's challenging you. As SOON as she thinks she's picked something that you love to do, she will instantly feel cheated, and she will second guess her own motive. Then when she's SURE that she meant to test your love for her, and she's sure that this is NOT a test because you are so excited about going .... and you are researching fireworks online, and deciding what fireworks you want to buy to stage the FIRST ANNUAL INLAW FIREWORK EXTRAVAGANZA!  She'll totally start to invent reasons why you might NOT want to tag along. She'll be desparate. And when you are looking for your Indian headress to take to your inlaws, and going on about taking another Old West picture, and asking her where her Indian Princess dress is......        She may even find something for you to work on around the house (which you will agree that needs to be done... and you will put that "chore" above your own fun...)  She'll pay you back later for THAT sacrifice.....  :naughty: :P   Anyway... that should work good for next year.  :thumbup:

 

 

 

 

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Well I have to say that if you REALLY dont ever want to get invited back, get REAL drunk and try to kiss you father in law.................I doubt you will ever have to worry about those trips again :)

 

You COULD try it with your mother in law, but that may backfire..........

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OOPS sorry K Bob Ive been a slacker :blush:

 

I know we've had problems with the mother-in -law before. I remember her problem with farting. :nono: I wouldnt think ANY travel time with her would be very pleasent. :puke:

 

So I guess you went to the fire works. I hope you enjoyed the trip. Just be glad she hasnt moved in with you "yet".

 

At our wedding, my mother-in-law asked me , and her other daughter-in-law and son-in-law to step out of the pictures so the photographer (who we were paying for) could take some pictures of "her family".  So, there I was, the groom, standing on the side, watching her set up pictures of "her family".  Her son-in-law told me to get used to it, as she does this at all occasions (I still can't get used to it!).

 

I never forget a face,

But in my mother-in-laws case I'm willing to make an exception.

 

-------------------------------------------------

 

I have never made a fool of my mother-in-laws,

I just leave her to display her natural talents herself.

 

-------------------------------------------------

 

My mother-in-laws and I were happy for 20 years,

Then we met each other.

 

-------------------------------------------------

 

Last night the local peeping Tom knocked on my mother-in-laws' door, and asked her to shut her blinds.

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Well, I appreciate the advice, I may be able to put it to good use next year.  Fortunately I'll be getting some O.T. at work this week, so I should be fairly safe  :hugegrin: ! 

 

I was actually fairly hurt on the Fourth.  Everyone got together and planned it all out without me knowing any details until the night before.  They all (including the wife) planned out all their favorite foods and desserts, and didn't have a single thing I liked except a hamburger.  Hmmph!  Next year it's every man for himself!  MY fireworks, MY food, MY apple pie!  MINE! (imagine Ren Hoek saying it).  I'm getting crotchety already!  Dagnabbit!

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You forgot "C.  Either of the above when preceeded or followed by expensive jewelry"

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