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Dear Survivor Guy:

 

Which is easier to get:  A. permission, or B. forgiveness  ?  :unsure:

Forgiveness NEVER happens Bob. Twenty years later you will be minding your own business watching TV and she will say> I cant believe you would sleep with my sister. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING! Did you do it on my bed? Did you wear her panties on your head? Did ya did ya huh? :scared:

 

:nono: Its NEVER over Bob. :nono:

 

As far as permissions if its going to the stripper bar just lie about it. I know that cheap perfume they spread on em with a paint roller sticks to your clothes and those sparkels they put on em get all over your face and neck when they wrap their legs around your head so you will have to be careful about that. I find gasoline wipes out the perfume but your on your own with the spangles. :blush:

 

Any way thats what they tell me. :whistle:

 

SURVIVOR GUY

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Dear Survivor Guy:

 

Why did they make it illegal to just yank an idiotic fool out of his car and beat him bloody?  :ranting:  This guy was tailgaiting me so close today it felt more like  love072.gif .  Would it be better to just lay on the brakes and let him hit my car, claiming to the police that I saw a squirrel in a Superman cape run out in front of me?  I truly feel that the mere fact that beating an idiot bloody is illegal has led to more road rage.  :bandit: 

 

What do you suggest I do to calm my boiling road rage, before I make the evening news? 

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Well Bob this is something SURVIVOR GUY has delt with before and believe me it really pisses me off. :rant:

 

My buddy just asys "Dont let it bother ya. Why are you so mad?" Well (I tell him) it just bothers me when some butt head tries to kill me .

 

It really gets me when some teenage girl driving the little red car her daddy bought her while talking on her cell phone that her daddy bought her just has to get to where ever shes going in a big hurry. So she tries to push you out of her way with her car. Why is it that teenage girls are always late to where ever their going?  censored.gif

 

Heres what SURVIVOR GUY does. I went to a junk yard and found a windshield washer reservior and put it in the back of my truck and wired it to a switch in my cab. I put the little hose just over my tail gate and filled the washer with mineral oil. I think you can see where Im headed. :D

 

As soon as the first spray hits their windshield they turn on their wipers and it smears all over their windshield. That pretty much slows um down.  happy097.gif

 

Than we see if her seat belt is fastened  :scared:    oops.gif   Oh well better them than you right?  :blush:

 

SURVIVOR GUY  :wave:

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Guest taken by the wind...

~ Great idea Survivor Guy. I have the opposite problem... instead of teenage girls on my butt, it's usually a huge jacked-up pickup truck with a huge deer guard across their front, that stands about level with my back window.  It's always on this country road that twists and turns, with pine trees on either side, deer are all the time darting out from nowhere, so I go the normal speed (which to these rednecks is thirty miles slower than what they go) So at night, they get right up on my back window...  literally (I drive a van) and turn their Bright lights on!  8|  It makes me so nervous. I honestly feel like they CAN run me off the road!  :scared: scared011.gif  What can I do about THOSE guys? The roads are so curvy they can't pass me, I can't pull off because there IS no shoulder. They just want me to speed, but it's a dangerous road. How do you deal with Bully Trucks?

 

signed........

Driving the limit (now, especially since I got a speeding ticket)  :whistle:

in GA.

 

:hugegrin:

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Well Bob this is something SURVIVOR GUY has delt with before and believe me it really pisses me off. :rant:

 

My buddy just asys "Dont let it bother ya. Why are you so mad?" Well (I tell him) it just bothers me when some butt head tries to kill me .

 

It really gets me when some teenage girl driving the little red car her daddy bought her while talking on her cell phone that her daddy bought her just has to get to where ever shes going in a big hurry. So she tries to push you out of her way with her car. Why is it that teenage girls are always late to where ever their going?  censored.gif

 

Heres what SURVIVOR GUY does. I went to a junk yard and found a windshield washer reservior and put it in the back of my truck and wired it to a switch in my cab. I put the little hose just over my tail gate and filled the washer with mineral oil. I think you can see where Im headed. :D

 

As soon as the first spray hits their windshield they turn on their wipers and it smears all over their windshield. That pretty much slows um down.  happy097.gif

 

Than we see if her seat belt is fastened  :scared:    oops.gif   Oh well better them than you right?  :blush:

 

SURVIVOR GUY  :wave:

 

That just may be the way to go!  I will have to see about rigging something up like that.  I was also thinking of taking some duct tape and applying it to my rear bumper to make it look as if it's holding the bumper on, ala Red Green!  :woot:

 

.

~ Great idea Survivor Guy. I have the opposite problem... instead of teenage girls on my butt, it's usually a huge jacked-up pickup truck with a huge deer guard across their front, that stands about level with my back window.  It's always on this country road that twists and turns, with pine trees on either side, deer are all the time darting out from nowhere, so I go the normal speed (which to these rednecks is thirty miles slower than what they go) So at night, they get right up on my back window...  literally (I drive a van) and turn their Bright lights on!  8|  It makes me so nervous. I honestly feel like they CAN run me off the road!  :scared: scared011.gif  What can I do about THOSE guys? The roads are so curvy they can't pass me, I can't pull off because there IS no shoulder. They just want me to speed, but it's a dangerous road. How do you deal with Bully Trucks?

 

signed........

Driving the limit (now, especially since I got a speeding ticket)  :whistle:

in GA.

 

:hugegrin:

 

If they turn the brights on when behind you, rig some bright foglights on the rear of your car.  Remember to set them up high so they'll hit the tailgaiter's windshield.  When they hit you with their brites, hit 'em back with YOURS!   :devil:

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Guest taken by the wind...

~ that would be awsome!  :woot: 

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Dear Survivor Guy:

 

My wife volunteers me to do things or help with the projects others are undertaking, without asking me first.  The only day off I have this week, tomorrow (Wednesday), she volunteered me to help her folks to move furniture around.  Now, had she asked me first (which she NEVER does), I would have said "Sure."  Instead, she informs me last night that she had told them already that I would spend the day lugging furniture from one room to another so the mother-in-law could rearrange a bedroom she never uses.

 

I don't mind doing things to help them, but I absolutely hate when she just assumes that it's ok for her to volunteer my services out.  Does she think that as her personal man-whore that I'm property to be leant out like a power tool?  Should I volunteer her out a little to give her an idea of the extent of my irritation?  Maybe come home tonight and tell her that I had volunteered her to make baked goods for the folks at the radio station or to wash the Bulldog Van??

 

Should I just whack her?  Should I whack the in-laws?  Should I whack them all?  Should I hire someone to whack ME???  gen140.gif

 

Please help!

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Wail Bob I like your idea of volunteering your wife out. She can come up to SURVIVOR GUYS survival school. I can teach her some discipline show her how I can get a fire started and demonstrate some cordage knots.  :naughty:

 

If you had taken my advice and patted your mother-in-law on the butt like I told ya this wouldnt have happened.  :nono:    :nop:

 

Whenever SURVIVOR GUY gets a job like that I make sure and bust stuff and screw up in general and than they never ask me to help ever again.  :yes:

 

Oh yah while your moving her furniture be sure and look thorugh her panty drawer. I always do.    :thumbup:

 

You might just find one of those personal massagers if you know what I mean.    :scared:

 

SURVIVOR GUY      :wave:

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Dear Survivorguy:

 

The Holiday season is approaching, and that means alot of time spent with family.....including the in-laws..... :scared:

 

I want to know if you think a ball-gag is an appropriate gift for the mother-in-law?    :hmm:

 

Thanks, yer buddy KBob...

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oops.gif  Sorry Bob Ive been buisy lately. I got done with fishin season just in time for huntin season.  scared011.gif

 

Gag ball  Hummmm  That might work Bob if you can find one big enough.  You might try taking her ice fishing before the ice gets too thick.

 

You should get your survival kit ready for the Hollidays. I recomend a new lock and key for the front door, duct tape, (I keep plenty on hand), a caller ID box, and ear plugs.  :thumbup:

 

I usually take my MIL with us so I dont have to kiss her good bye. When ever she comes over the mice throw themselves into the traps.    :nono:

 

A peeping tom stopped by and told her to close her blinds.    :smoke:  You should be glad your not a Morman Bob you could have more MILs.  :scared:

 

One time I heard the door bell and when I opened the door it was my MIL." She said can I stay here for a few days?" I said sure and I slammed the door.    happy097.gif

 

Anyway I hope this helps ya Bob. You might try renting some porn movies to put on the TV over the hollidays. My favorite is "Santa comes once a year"

 

Well I got to get going there having a Christmas special at the nudie bar.

 

SURVIVOR GUY  :wave:

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oops.gif   Sorry Bob Ive been buisy lately. I got done with fishin season just in time for huntin season.   scared011.gif

 

Gag ball  Hummmm  That might work Bob if you can find one big enough.  You might try taking her ice fishing before the ice gets too thick.

 

You should get your survival kit ready for the Hollidays. I recomend a new lock and key for the front door, duct tape, (I keep plenty on hand), a caller ID box, and ear plugs.  :thumbup:

 

I usually take my MIL with us so I dont have to kiss her good bye. When ever she comes over the mice throw themselves into the traps.    :nono:

 

A peeping tom stopped by and told her to close her blinds.    :smoke:   You should be glad your not a Morman Bob you could have more MILs.   :scared:

 

One time I heard the door bell and when I opened the door it was my MIL." She said can I stay here for a few days?" I said sure and I slammed the door.    happy097.gif

 

Anyway I hope this helps ya Bob. You might try renting some porn movies to put on the TV over the hollidays. My favorite is "Santa comes once a year"

 

Well I got to get going there having a Christmas special at the nudie bar.

 

SURVIVOR GUY  :wave:

 

Thanks, Survivor Guy!  I've already been to the liquor store...so that should help too....

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We were invited to witness our first survivor shows, ever, last night.

They were entertaining to say the least.

Les Stroud, um, !!!! I was impressed with some of the details that he went into. Research, research, research,,,, His team seems qualified. The show I saw last night was about the S.W. desert. Some how, his good bike changed into this piece of junk and wamo, Les is stuck in the desert. OK, this could happen.

*********That is the stupidest******I have ever seen.

First, Don't take a bike out that you don't know how to fix.

Two, If you go into an area that you don't know, take a map of the area.

It took this dumbass two days to find water and the creek would have been on the map!!!!!!!!!!!

Third, Keep some rations on your bike.

This was an off road bike so you would have to haul it to the area that you were going to ride in. Duh. Get your ****back to the truck, go pick up the bike and get back to your mechanic, you dumbass.

Fourth, Let people know your going out, have them check to see if you made it home. Have them send out the hounds!!!! And Les needed a sign around his neck that says "help."

Fifth, Say you are out there for a week. Vacation? You bet it was. Gravy, they did thier research and Les was on vacation for a week, making a show(entertainment) and enjoying himself. Maybe some day I'll be able to afford a vacation on my cousins 40 acres in the American S.W. Hell, I might even do some research about the local flora and fauna. I'll tell ya though, I think I'll get a javelina permit before I go and I'll be eating pork chops instead of ***** roasted grass hoppers. Les, good research team, but you ain't got nothen on me. Keep making your entertainment, It's good for a laugh.

And that other ******!!!!!!!!!

Holy *******Horus :peace:

 

****Edited to remove repetitive cursing****

Askdamice

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Wow...  Well Horus, I think Les is also trying to point out how almost no one is prepared.  Many people have "Itcanthappentomeitus".  He is showing how you can survive without any of those things.

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In a few weeks from now it will dawn on you that everything Les does on that show is for good reason and has the best team of consultants both in his team and contracted locally. He is not making a show to show you textbook survival.... nor is shooting an instructional video. Les is a very capable woodsman. I suggest looking further into his accomplishments... "snowshoes and solitudes" for instance.

 

I cursed his name for the first few episodes until I understood what he was doing.

 

 

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Horus is having trouble understanding what Les and us is all about Im afraid. 

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Horus is having trouble understanding what Les and us is all about Im afraid. 

 

I don't blame him one bit... I know I had trouble seeing where Les was comming from....

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Horus,

 

In response to your opinions on Survivorman, I appreciate your spirit in your vision of the show.

 

Let me tell you how I see it and maybe you will see it a little differently.

 

Survivorman (Les Stroud) and any other T.V. Personality is first and foremost out to make a little bit of money... I agree. If they were not they'd be doin internet only shows with no advertising or PBS/local channel shows.

 

Aside from that I agree that he does have a team who (with his assistance) maps out the area, looks for water/food sources, talks about possibilities and trains for them with him. He also meets with "locals" who know the area, know what you can and can't eat and probably eat/drink some of the things with him before the show.

 

Getting past all that "T.V." junk, he puts on a very good an almost always informative show.

 

So let's take the show for what it's worth.

 

It's a show about the possibility of one man being stuck without anything other than the things he lists and having to survive for 7 days (it's always 7 days whether he knows he can or can't get out sooner... He always shoots for a full 7 days to show what one would need to do in that amount of time).

 

He has trained with some of the best "Survival" people out there and has done a lot of the stuff on his own before he became "Survivorman".

 

Some would say now that he's gotten well known, he's backed off from the imformative personality he used to be and they might be right but for what it's worth, in the world of T.V. reality (even though reality is never really reality) shows about survival he is one of the best out there.

 

Let's put it this way, if you are into Survival and wanted to watch something on T.V. about your passion then he's better to watch than Married With Children, Blind Date or Flavor of Love.

 

Hope this helps,

Gandar

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Im sure Horus will gladly demonstrate his fire starting ability without matches and lighter fluid.    :hugegrin:

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Im sure Horus will gladly demonstrate his fire starting ability without matches and lighter fluid.    :hugegrin:

Swede,

You got it, the next time I'm on a weeks vacation. Bring the video.

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I need to get the goat pictures also. How soon will Danial be milking them?

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I need to get the goat pictures also. How soon will Danial be milking them?

 

I made a horrible translation mistake while visiting Spain once.... I mistook the "running of the bulls" festival as "the milking of the bulls".... Everybody was ticked because the bulls made a line up infront of me instead of chasing all the crazy dudes down the streets.

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I need to get the goat pictures also. How soon will Danial be milking them?

He started milking immediately. We feed the baby's with a bottle. He gets 1 gal. per day. The baby's drink it and as soon as the grass greens I'll be drinking it. Did I tell you that we purchased a pasturiser. It also makes yogurt.

You trying to change the subject?

We have 5 goats to milk this year. Should be about 4 gallons a day. You want to drink goats milk? More people in the world drink goats milk than cow.

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