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SURVIVOR GUY

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I can see the sun shining on Machine's sparkling smile all the way to the Carolinas!

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In my searching on the internet I believe I've come up with the original version of the taken-puma picture.

 

takensurvivor.jpg

 

 

 

 

psst, feel free to delete it if it offends anyone.  I like to keep my hand in at the graphics once in a while.

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Guest taken by the wind...

~ well, Nurk... that was before I got into working out. See how soft I was? YUCK.

 

this is me now.

 

exerciseym6.gif

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Guest taken by the wind...

~ No. I just used a snare.  cool14.gif  some of that guitar string stuff. I actually caught it by accident. I was really hunting for squirrels.  :rolleyes:

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Guest taken by the wind...

~ swede... I didn't even make a single joke about the 4 inch thing. Aren't you proud of me? :hugegrin:

 

:notangel:

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~ swede... I didn't even make a single joke about the 4 inch thing. Aren't you proud of me?  :hugegrin:

 

:notangel:

 

I'm totally trying not to die laughing here...:hugegrin:

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~ swede... I didn't even make a single joke about the 4 inch thing. Aren't you proud of me?  :hugegrin:

 

:notangel:

A guy can do Ok with the four inch thing. I figure when that little piece of information is discovered its already too late if you know what I mean.    :whistle:      :P

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So, SG, what is your favorite firestarting method? (Excluding matches or lighters, LOL!!)

Ive had some success with a dowel and fire board and my driver drill and a little charcoal lighter fluid.    :ninja:

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Hello folks sorry for being away for so long Ive been buisy with my new job of writing banned words for forums. For instance on the gay sites they dont like the words tinkerbell or hemroids.

 

Ive been having fun at the Walmart store again. My latest trick is to pickup boxes of condoms and go around dropping them into peoples shopping carts.  :D

 

I like to go into the clock area and set all the alarm clocks to go off at 5 minute intervals.  :yes:

 

I go up to employees and act official and say "code 3 in housewares. Get on it."   :rofl:

 

Sometimes I try to put a bag of M&Ms on lay away.   :woot:  

 

If I find a sign that says "caution wet floor"I put it on a carpet area.

 

One time I crawled into a tent set up in sporting goods and I told other shoppers to go to get some pillows and blankets and join me.  happy070.gif

 

Do you ever look into one of the security cameras and pick your nose?   cool14.gif

 

Sometimes I dash around the store humming the mission impossible theme.   :ninja:

 

I like to put funnels on my chest in the auto department and ask the clerk if I look like Madonna.

 

Whenever they make an annoucement over the loud speaker I grab my head and yell "OH NO ITS THOSE VOICES IN MY HEAD AGAIN"  scared011.gif

 

My favorite thing of all though is to go into the fitting room shut the door, wait awhile, then yell "HEY THERES NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE"  happy097.gif

 

Any way thats what Ive been up to lately same oh same oh.

 

Well I gotta get to writing those banned words. Remember in case of a nuclear attack dive under your desk and cover you'll be just fine.    :thumbup:

 

Keep your stick on the ice.   :wave:

 

SURVIVOR GUY

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Hey K Bob sorry I havent been around I just got back from huntin season just in time for fishin season.

 

I see yer from Kaintuck. I got a intellg entellign intelligenze test fer ya.

 

Redneck Engineering Exam

 

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

 

2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? a) '66 Ford Fairlane b) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle c) '64 Pontiac GTO

 

3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?

 

4. A pulpwood cutter has chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The lot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tall-Boys will it take to cut the trees?

 

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?

 

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

 

7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land?

 

8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain? For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?

 

9. A Coal Mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

 

10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?

 

 

Onlyist a guy from Kaintuck could know this stuff.  :yes:

 

Whale I gotta get to lookin up my fishin stuff. Good luck first prize is a lap dance at Mammas home style vittles and lap dancin.

 

See ya at the coon barbeque.  :wave:

 

SURVIVOR GUY

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Shoot, Survivor Guy, yuh ain't even tryin'!

 

1.  'Bout an inch an' a quarter, 'cause that there possum done et 'bout a quarter pound of persimmons.

 

2.  Ever'body knows that it'd be the dang Chev-er-lay!

 

3.  At least 6 if'n he's runnin' 'er hot.

 

4.  Thas ree-ul easy!  A tall-boy per tree!  If'n he was usin' an axe, it'd be two: one while he stands thar thinkin' 'bout how much werk it'll be, an'  then anuther 'un halfways through...

 

5.  Twenny!  'Cause ain't no body 'round here can count higher, 'cept Uncle Clem, he's got SIX toes on each foot.

 

6.  All of 'em!

 

7.  Heck, yeah!  All's they got to do is park 'em side ways!  Just gots tuh put 'em on stilts on one end.

 

8.  Two coal trucks an' a pick-up.  Fer extry credit....this hyar is coal-truck country, ain't no body got a windshield what ain't cracked!  And the   pick-up has a muffler--it's layin' in the back.

 

9.  About 2 before the 'splosion.

 

10. Theys already done that.  We cain't ship cattle to the flat lands, on account of theys cain't stand up on the flats.  Yuh think thas bad?  We tried tuh send sum turkees to the folks down thar, but they kept a'flyin into the ground!  Turns out theys used tuh flying next  to the ground, not over  it.

 

 

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Shoot that was too easy I shoulda knowed anyone who have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house would know those.

 

Congratulations Mamma will be lookin fer ya (go the first of the month she puts on fresh undies) Be sure and try her home cooked possum jowls while your there.

 

I gotta go buy some dew worms at the grocery store.

 

See ya  :wave:

 

SURVIVOR GUY

 

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