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This is a blog of mine from a while back.......hope you enjoy

 

Was a nice drive home from droppin off Collin at Crys's. Set the cruise control at 50 down 360 (Yes Im that guy who goes under the speed limit and pisses everyone off LOL) A voice always says "Slow down" and enjoy the view. I wonder how many people go down that same strech of road everyday but miss how beautiful it can be. The leaves changing, the open fields of soybeans and cut corn, a pasture or two full of horses and assorted thisnthats. Sure theres an Exxon here or there, but its inbetween those intersections where you can find a little piece of picturesque views, you just need to slow down and look. We're in too much of a rush to get from there to there to notice how the landscape changes over time. We travel the same routes everyday of the week and only notice "Me" slowin you down. Ill tell you what though (And this is a secret, SHHHHH! Dont tell anyone!)..........

 

I had always complained about my treck back and forth to take Collin to school, I really did love it though. Theres nothin like hittin the Varina/Enon bridge at about 7am durring the fall/winter months, the fog over the river drifting lazily upwards twords the sky as the sun rises. Collin would be asleep in the back of the Bronco, probably some jazz or blues in the CD player pumpin out relaxation as I slow to 45 or 50.........Then watch dawn welcome the river and the corn or hay fields below. I think of the beginning of the movie "Hitch" or those pics on Crys and Jens pages that talk of "The moments that take your breath away". Those moments arent always romance and passion (To me anyway). Sometimes they are pink clouds and yellow-orange shafts of light over a strech of autumn woods along a winding river. I cant count the moments that have taken my breath away, It all comes down to those small things that make life worth living

 

Mabey its the rise and fall of a stream over the year as you cross it a few times a day, watching how the landscape changes with the water level. Sometimes its watchin a little boy dressed in "Redneck Shiek" with his shirt off and the straps of his overalls undone drinkin out of a hose. A trip to Staples for a big ass pack of Sharpies that leaves me chucklin even now LOL. Sometimes its a small pebble I pick up to remember another of Collins firsts. Mabey its an Adam Sandler song that suddenly has new meaning LOL (Nothin but love though!!!!!!) The sunset profiled view of a moose while Im in a canoe paddling against 3ft swells on a lake in Ontario with a beautiful woman............

 

I say it way too much......Its the small things that make life worth living, the smiles and laughs, the little bits of love and friendship along the way........Sometimes we need to stop for a breath to lose our breath. To me happiness isnt a new car, its the car that gets me from one smile to another and all those inbetween. Its not the huge house we stress over to pay for, its the small house where we smile stress free loving life and our family. Its not the designer shirt we wear to work we spent $100 on, its the ratty old "T" we wear when we are out gettin dirty with our kids making memories.

 

Happiness is measured in smiles, not dollars. I cant quite remember if it was Heroditus or Aristotle who talked about happiness.........A happy life isnt WHAT you die with, its the smile you die with. Simple yet profound. Its my memory of Collin holding my hand on a drive home from West Point that makes me smile, not the memory of a $15,000 commission. Thats been gone for years, but I can still feel that 2yr old boys hand wrapped around my index finger...............

 

Well Im off to bed where Ill dream and hope for a hayride and the smiles of two little boys in a pumpkin patch........YOU can dream of winning the lottery and all the shit you'll buy. I KNOW what happiness is, hope you can learn it for yourselves someday. Its taken me too many wasted paychecks to learn the value of a smile...................

 

Love all of you, slow down and smile more............

 

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This is my modo

 

 

The preacher man says its the end of time

and the Mississippi River she's a going dry.

The interest is up and the stock markets down

and you only get mugged if you go downtown.

I live back in the woods you see,

my woman,and the kids and the dogs and me.

I got a shotgun and a rifle and a four wheel drive

and a countryboy can survive. Country folks can survive.

 

 

I can plow a field all day long,

I can catch catfish from dusk til dawn.

Make our own whiskey and our own smoke too

aint to many things these boys can't do.

We grow good old tomatoes and homemade wine

and countryboy can survive, country folk can survive.

 

 

Because you can't stomp us out and you can't make us run,

cause we're them ole boys raised on shotguns.

We say grace and we say mam

amd if you aint into that we don't give a damn.

We came from the West Virginia coal mine's

and the Rocky Mountains and the Western skies

and we can skin a buck, we can run a trout line

and a countryboy can survive, country folks can survive.

 

 

I had a good friend in New York City

he never called me by my name just hillbilly.

My Grandpa taught me how to live off the land

and his taught him to be a business man

He used to send me pictures of the Broadway Nights

and i would send him some homemade wine

but he was killed by a man with a switchblade knife,

for forty three dollars my friend lost his life.

I'd love to spit some beechnut in that dudes eyes

and shoot him with my ole forty-five

cause a countryboy can survive, country folks can survive.

 

 

'Cause you can't stomp us out and you can't make us run,

and we're them ole boys raised on shotgun.

We say grace, we say mam,

if you aint into that we don't give a damn.

We're from North California and South Alabam'

and little towns all around this land.

We can skin a buck, and run a trout line

and a countryboy can survive,

country folks can survive,

countryboy can survive,

country folks can survive.

 

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Another blog......hope Im not borin ya!!

 

Been thinking a lot about where to go from here, I cant stop thinking about 30.......where I am now and where I want to be in the next 30. Ive done a lot and have a notch or two in my belt, but Im starting to think that that isnt the life I want. My little adventures have been great, but I cant help but think that my happiest moment of the past 4-5 years was about a week ago. Mabey thats whats had me down the past few days. I think back to all the "stories" I have, all the experiences Ive had, and of all the "cool" things, one "ordinary" day stands out and overshadows that, Its really hard to explain.

 

I love running off to "here or there". I love that thrill you get as you paddle down a river and dont know whats up ahaid.....I just dont know, mabey it was just TOO perfect a day, the kind you never get again, just has me too "off in space"  though. I havent been able to think straight since then. Ive spent the past few years trying to top the last thrill, now I find myself wanting to top a "Regular, average" day. Its confusing, but has brought some good questions into my mind.

 

3-4 Hr pause here.........

 

Just an AWSOME surprise!!!!! Crys called me to see if I wanted to spend the rest of the weekend with Collin!!!! Talk about GREAT timing!!! Just made my day!!! I was honestly speachless when she called LOL. Well there isnt much left of today so we're in the house for tonight. Tommorow we have a nice hike planned and who cares what else we do!!!!! Im just EXTATIC!!! THANKS Cool Breeze!!!!!

 

Back to what I was saying before...........Its about 8:30-9pm now...

 

I REALLY cant explain it. Mabey it IS time for me to just settle down and get to work on the whole "Family" thing. That will take time though, have to at LEAST have a girlfriend first huh LOL!!!! Sad when I have a "Wife" and Im lookin for a girlfriend Huh Cool Breeze LOL!!!!! Well we are finnally gettin a divorce though so I guess I wont be "Married" much longer. I do have to admit that it will be a bit wierd to ACTUALLY be single, not just in principal but in FACT. Anyway........

 

Its amazing the beauty you can find in the most mundane and ordinary things. Collin and I watched Short Circuit (OLD ass movie LOL) tonight, and how I felt just layin there with him is just indescribable. The past month or so has been hard, but it has really made me appretiate the small things.........a blessing in disguise I guess you could say. No need for the outlandish stuff that we normally do. expecially when I find the simple things bring me so much more joy. Mabey its throwin corn cobs at each other and runnin around like we're just crazy like Thursday.......Mabey its turning a box into an evening of fun for everybody...........mabey its just lookin at tractors. Those little moments are just really hitting me hard lately, watchin those smiles just make me feel whole, NOT a night in the great outdoors, not paddling down a river by myself. Just moments so "Ordinary" that they are easilly taken for granted. The little moments like tonights "Twinkle Twinkles" while he was snuggled up to me. Its hard to explain. Mabey you just have to be a Mommy or Daddy to understand. Those moments where just being a parent are enough......Not the moments that make you "cool", just the small things that make you Daddy. Sittin here writin while I watch him sleep...........Lookin over there and just seeing love and nothing more. No stary sky or moonlit night under the stars can ever compete with that. No four walls or even open spaces can contain whats behind those blue eyes........

 

I always think of that Will Smith song, "Jus the Two of Us"......The line about "Concieved in love"...........I think that of all the stupid stuff I did before that day and all the bullshit after, I think we had one moment where true love shined through and created something so special, that it can only be called "Love Perfected". If my memmory serves me right, it would have been June 29,1999. Mabey for one second, who I am today came through the little boy who was there. There can be no other explination. Either way, we put a lot of love into that boy. It shows in his smile, his laugh, the way he hugs you like he hasnt seen you in a year even if its only been 10 minutes......He is the epitome of everyone in his life that loves him, and all the kindness he is shown and taught. The curiouse mind that hasnt been held back, the energy that lets loose when  his feet hit the floor in the morning..........

 

Its sad how many people take their children for granted, how in their search for "purpose" and "meaning" in their lives, they overlook what they search so hard for. Ive spent a long time searching for "myself", but it wasnt untill I "Found" Collin and all the joy he brings to my life, that I finnally found myself. My "purpose" in life is wrapped up in a 4ft, skinny, 7yr old,with the most beautiful blue eyes youve ever seen, and a heart to big for anyone around him to keep to themselves. My "Greatest moment" will never be "This" accomplishment, or "that", it will ALWAYS be April 11, 2000 when everything I ever thought I wanted and needed compounded into something that, to this day I can still not fathom that Im worthy of. I may never find "True love" in its popular deffinition, but I will always find it when I look at my boy. I am "Daddy", I dont need to run off and search for that. Everything I am now and ever will be, is found in those moments I spend with Collin, I dont need to read a book, climb a mountain, or meet the Dali Lama for me to see that, I see who I am when I look at his smile and the sparkle in those blue eyes.

 

Our children, ANY child, can teach us so much about who we are and who we need to be. Ive learned over the past few years that life is just TOO short to hold back. Children live their lives "Full Throtle", they only hold back when they are TOLD to hold back. It isnt untill we are TAUGHT to leave things unsaid or undone that we actually do. Children SAY what they are thinking, they DO what they want without fear. Of course everyone needs to learn self-control to some extent, but how much do we leave undone or unsaid simply because of a fear of failure or rejection.

 

Reguardless of all that though, I think its time for me to enjoy more "tractors" and more "Spit water in the cup" games, and not worry about those "notches". The only notch that really matters to me has been asleep for the past 2hrs. My greatest accomplishment and my most profound dream is holding his Tiger and probably dreaming of Spounge Bob.

 

Thats it. Nothing sums up my purpose in life, nothing gives more meaning to my life than those small things. I think of all those I love you Daddys that come screaming out of the bathroom at bath time...........There is nothing more meaningfull than that, no amount of money, no accomplishment will EVER compare to those 4 little words.

 

I cant take all the credit though. I think Momma gave a lot of her big heart to our boy, more kindness and compassion than I ever could have. Theres also a bit of Auntie and Uncle Joel, a bit of Grammy, a pinch or two of Grandma Betty and Loyd........a little piece of everyone else in his life who makes him who he is. Not just one single person can take the credit for a child like that. And to think he has a little brother......with all those same people in his life. Makes you think there is a bit of hope for this world. If there are two perfect kids out there, then there may be more to lead this world some day. Our purpose isnt in changing the world, its giving our children the opportunities and guidance to do what we may never do. Its giving the gift of our love and experience to make their lives better than ours. Mabey they will take that and pass it on to those lives they have the most impact on. Life is NOT about wealth or power, its about the smiles we bring to the faces and hearts of everyone we love, of everyone in our lives, everyone we meet. And no one can bring a smile to someones face faster than a child.

 

Its time for me to head to bed........I hope all of you have had a good smile today, mabey even a good laugh. I hope that you can have a glimps of yourselves in the eyes of your children.

 

Goodnight and Enjoy the small stuff

 

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This is my modo

 

 

The preacher man says its the end of time

and the Mississippi River she's a going dry.

The interest is up and the stock markets down

and you only get mugged if you go downtown.

I live back in the woods you see,

my woman,and the kids and the dogs and me.

I got a shotgun and a rifle and a four wheel drive

and a countryboy can survive. Country folks can survive.

 

 

I can plow a field all day long,

I can catch catfish from dusk til dawn.

Make our own whiskey and our own smoke too

aint to many things these boys can't do.

We grow good old tomatoes and homemade wine

and countryboy can survive, country folk can survive.

 

 

Because you can't stomp us out and you can't make us run,

cause we're them ole boys raised on shotguns.

We say grace and we say mam

amd if you aint into that we don't give a damn.

We came from the West Virginia coal mine's

and the Rocky Mountains and the Western skies

and we can skin a buck, we can run a trout line

and a countryboy can survive, country folks can survive.

 

 

I had a good friend in New York City

he never called me by my name just hillbilly.

My Grandpa taught me how to live off the land

and his taught him to be a business man

He used to send me pictures of the Broadway Nights

and i would send him some homemade wine

but he was killed by a man with a switchblade knife,

for forty three dollars my friend lost his life.

I'd love to spit some beechnut in that dudes eyes

and shoot him with my ole forty-five

cause a countryboy can survive, country folks can survive.

 

 

'Cause you can't stomp us out and you can't make us run,

and we're them ole boys raised on shotgun.

We say grace, we say mam,

if you aint into that we don't give a damn.

We're from North California and South Alabam'

and little towns all around this land.

We can skin a buck, and run a trout line

and a countryboy can survive,

country folks can survive,

countryboy can survive,

country folks can survive.

 

 

Amen to that

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I don't really know what to say to that post Woods.  I have been doing a lot of thinking lately too, thinking about purpose, thinking about family, thinking about friends.  Its just somthing you can't really put into words, thanks for that Woods!

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All makes sense to me Brian. Your a good dad to Collin and Ill bet Wendys kids will get the benefit in the long run. I love ya like a brother my friend and I'm going to have to make a trek back up there some day. We've come a long way haven't we? Seems like a long time ago.  happy100.gif

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Been a long time bud.....with a lot of shit in between (Also the title of my book which is due to be out soon LOL)

Ive been sittin here tonight missin my boy and wonderin why I do the things I do....I cant help but think that this all has a purpose, that everything we do has some underlying meanin that we may never understand.

There is a sayin in Physics about a butterfly flappin his wings in NY and causin a storm in China (Somethin like that) and it makes a lot of sence if you think about it....

Those 6 degrees of seperation....our effect on all those around us that leads to an effect on all the people around them....

I cant help but think and know that I am where I am for a reason and that all that I deal with and go through has a purpose.

Sometimes we wonder "why me" or say "poor me"......have you ever wondered how those obsticals in our lives affect others? How maybe what we go through now is all in order to pave our way to a better tommorow for ourselves?

Maybe Im just thinkin too much tonight......Im killin time till bed so sue me LOL

 

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I assume the X wont let Collin leave the U.S. Thats not good. There doesnt seem to be an answer to that one. Now school is starting. A trip back would be great but in the long run even more painful.

 

Im sorry Bud but I have no clever answers for that one.  sad042.gif

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Woodsy -

 

That butterfly effect you're talking about is an analogy popularly used to describe (in a very small nutshell) the impacts of "chaos theory".

 

Think about this, did you really care of give a hoot where you were in 1940, or 1840, or 1740, or 1640? You won't care where you are in 2140, or 2240 or 5840.

 

 

 

 

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This is a blog of mine from a while back.......hope you enjoy

 

Was a nice drive home from droppin off Collin at Crys's. Set the cruise control at 50 down 360 (Yes Im that guy who goes under the speed limit and pisses everyone off LOL) A voice always says "Slow down" and enjoy the view. I wonder how many people go down that same strech of road everyday but miss how beautiful it can be. The leaves changing, the open fields of soybeans and cut corn, a pasture or two full of horses and assorted thisnthats. Sure theres an Exxon here or there, but its inbetween those intersections where you can find a little piece of picturesque views, you just need to slow down and look. We're in too much of a rush to get from there to there to notice how the landscape changes over time. We travel the same routes everyday of the week and only notice "Me" slowin you down. Ill tell you what though (And this is a secret, SHHHHH! Dont tell anyone!)..........

 

I had always complained about my treck back and forth to take Collin to school, I really did love it though. Theres nothin like hittin the Varina/Enon bridge at about 7am durring the fall/winter months, the fog over the river drifting lazily upwards twords the sky as the sun rises. Collin would be asleep in the back of the Bronco, probably some jazz or blues in the CD player pumpin out relaxation as I slow to 45 or 50.........Then watch dawn welcome the river and the corn or hay fields below. I think of the beginning of the movie "Hitch" or those pics on Crys and Jens pages that talk of "The moments that take your breath away". Those moments arent always romance and passion (To me anyway). Sometimes they are pink clouds and yellow-orange shafts of light over a strech of autumn woods along a winding river. I cant count the moments that have taken my breath away, It all comes down to those small things that make life worth living

 

Mabey its the rise and fall of a stream over the year as you cross it a few times a day, watching how the landscape changes with the water level. Sometimes its watchin a little boy dressed in "Redneck Shiek" with his shirt off and the straps of his overalls undone drinkin out of a hose. A trip to Staples for a big ass pack of Sharpies that leaves me chucklin even now LOL. Sometimes its a small pebble I pick up to remember another of Collins firsts. Mabey its an Adam Sandler song that suddenly has new meaning LOL (Nothin but love though!!!!!!) The sunset profiled view of a moose while Im in a canoe paddling against 3ft swells on a lake in Ontario with a beautiful woman............

 

I say it way too much......Its the small things that make life worth living, the smiles and laughs, the little bits of love and friendship along the way........Sometimes we need to stop for a breath to lose our breath. To me happiness isnt a new car, its the car that gets me from one smile to another and all those inbetween. Its not the huge house we stress over to pay for, its the small house where we smile stress free loving life and our family. Its not the designer shirt we wear to work we spent $100 on, its the ratty old "T" we wear when we are out gettin dirty with our kids making memories.

 

Happiness is measured in smiles, not dollars. I cant quite remember if it was Heroditus or Aristotle who talked about happiness.........A happy life isnt WHAT you die with, its the smile you die with. Simple yet profound. Its my memory of Collin holding my hand on a drive home from West Point that makes me smile, not the memory of a $15,000 commission. Thats been gone for years, but I can still feel that 2yr old boys hand wrapped around my index finger...............

 

Well Im off to bed where Ill dream and hope for a hayride and the smiles of two little boys in a pumpkin patch........YOU can dream of winning the lottery and all the sh!# you'll buy. I KNOW what happiness is, hope you can learn it for yourselves someday. Its taken me too many wasted paychecks to learn the value of a smile...................

 

Love all of you, slow down and smile more............

 

 

Well said, Woods...

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We are each given a block of marble when we begin a lifetime, and the tools to shape it into sculpture. We can drag it behind us untouched, we can pound it into gravel, or we can shape it into glory.

 

The best way to pay for a lovely moment is by enjoying it.

 

Richard Bach

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If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

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"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects. -- Lazarus Long  (Robert A. Heinlein)"

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These are less inspirational than they are lessons;

 

Some reckon their age by years,

Some measure their life by art;

But some tell their days by the flow of their tears

And their lives by the moans of their hearts.

- - - -Abram Joseph Ryan

 

I remember a quote from my ancient history course that always stuck with me.  It's about a man named Brennus who was chief of a tribe of Gauls around the 4th century.  He did the one thing that the Romans thought impossible. He, a 'barbarian' sacked Rome.  When he got there he saw the filth and dirt the city was left in after the seige, so he allowed the Romans to pay a ransom for their freedom. The fee, Brennus' weight in gold.  So the conquoring Gaul brought in his own scales. They loaded up one side with rocks that matched Brennus' weight, and the romans started loading ithe other scale with gold.  After a while, they noticed that no matter how much gold they piled in, it didn't tip the scales, so they began to complain, demanding that the scales be checked.  Brennus steps forward, draws his sword and throws it on the pile of stones yelling, "VAE VICTUS!!".  Translated it mean, "Woe to the Vanquished!"

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Im wondering tonight why Jesus son of God all seeing all knowing didnt tell the masses the world wasnt flat? 

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